when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
