You're so nebulous sometimes
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
