my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
try to milk me bitch
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
