Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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