She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
