I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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