So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You were trust falling into bushes
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
