You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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