When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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