We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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