weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
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