The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
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i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
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The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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