My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
