you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
NoShamevember. You game?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
