i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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