I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
