I'm eating all of the evidence.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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