After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
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I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
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thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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