sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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