Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
