My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
