You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
