I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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