i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
i think i just lost a toe
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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