The maid of honor just puked.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
