I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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