it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
