Your dad touched me again.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You need a sexual gate keeper
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
