I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
