just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
my phone needs a breathalizer
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
