A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
