literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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