ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
