This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i may or may not be watching the land before time
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
