Pappa wants mamma naked
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
My life is pants optional.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
