McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
