So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize