Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize