if you like me you must not know who I am
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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