I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
