she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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