cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
