Ambien. No doubt about it.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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