i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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