Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
