I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
