You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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