Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
