I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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