Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
dude i'm inner monologue high
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
