The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
