he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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