dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
