cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
