PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
