Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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