i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
