last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house