That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
These 19 People Had Awkward Celebrity Sex Dreams
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers