i permit you to call me
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates