Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
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I told you penises don't tan
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.