i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.