Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Randomize
