i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.