He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
