True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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