He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
