Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
