god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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