there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
If its not for food we ain't going out.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
