My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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