He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
