This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
