Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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