my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
