The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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