I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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