My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
