you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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