It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
