Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
