listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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